I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she smelled like a LAN party
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
