Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
