she was so not down for the gang bang
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
