You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
