Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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