your thong is hanging out like whoa
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize