she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
