Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
