I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize