Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
