Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
