I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
