Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
