Dual....:-)
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
