I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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