So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i will never coherently bang her
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
