After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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