the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
