operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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