I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
