I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
