I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
