A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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