Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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