my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
