He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize