Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
being pregnant is like rehab
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
