Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
