I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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