it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
