Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
