I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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