so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
