I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
