the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
