i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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