census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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