Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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