I want to walk on stilts...naked
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
