I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
should my penis look like a turkey
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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