ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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