the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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