her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
