Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
