Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
