Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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