if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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