just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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