my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
