Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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