I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
