i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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