Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
