I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
