ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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