The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
