I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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