i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
