I think my fart just growled at me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
