I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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