I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
