Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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