apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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