evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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