Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
