i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
