You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
