At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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