i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
