Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
