last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
