I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
