everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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