38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
