I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
