Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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