guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
