It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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