Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
