Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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